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RODNEY DANGERFIELD'S BEST ONE-LINERS>>>************************************
>>>And we were poor too. Why if I wasn't born a boy.... I'd have
>>>nothing to play with.>>>> >
>>>A girl phoned me the other day and said .... "Come on over, there's
>>>nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.>>>> >
>>>If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no sex life at all.>>>> >
>>>During sex my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other
>>>night she called me from a hotel.>>>> >
>>>One day as I came home early from work ..... I saw a guy jogging
>>>naked. I said to the guy .... "Hey buddy .... Why are you doing
>>>that?" He said ...."Because you came home early.">>>> >
>>>Its been a rough day. I got up this morning .... put on a shirt and a
>>>button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm
>>>afraid to go to the bathroom.>>>> >
>>>When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.>>>> >
>>>I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and
>>>a radio.>>>> >
>>>My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a
>>>friend.>>>> >
>>>My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with
>>>> >>>>When I was born .... the doctor came out to the waiting room and
>>>to my father.... I'm very sorry. We did everything we could...... But
>>>he pulled through.>>>> >
>>>My mother had morning sickness -- after I was born.>>>> >
>>>I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger
>>>to my father. He said he wanted more proof.>>>> >
>>>Once when I was lost..... I saw a policeman and asked him to help me
>>>find my parents. I said to him .... "Do you think we'll ever find
>>>them?" He said ... "I don't know kid .... there are so many places
>>>they can hide.">>>> >
>>>My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.>>>> >
>>>I worked in a pet shop and people kept asking how big I'd get.>>>> >
>>>I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look
>>>in the mirror... I feel like throwing up; What's wrong with me?" He
>>>said..."I don't know but your eyesight is perfect.">>>> >
>>>I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills.
>>>My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.---

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