Good: Your son studies a lot in his room
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there
Ugly: You're in them
Good: Your husband understands fashion
Bad: He's a cross dresser
Ugly: He looks better than you
Good: Your son's finally maturing
Bad: He's involved with the woman next door
Ugly: So are you
Good: You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter
Bad: She keeps interrupting
Ugly: With corrections
Good: Your wife's not talking to you
Bad: She wants a divorce
Ugly: She's a lawyer
Good: The postman's early
Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying an AK47
Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas
Good: It's your last paper in your final year.
Bad: You studied your Maths throughout the night till morning.
Ugly: You went for the paper and found it to be Sociology.
Good: You are going to have a good time with your wife.
Bad: Your wife says she couldn't find the pill.
Ugly: Your daughter is using it.
Good: Your daughter went out to a party in her most beautiful dress.
Bad: Your daughter came back at 2 a.m.
Ugly: Your daughter came back in a man's outfit.
Good: You enjoy nature.
Bad: You fall into a leech-infested mudpool.
Ugly: You are naked.
This one's dedicated to the people in IRAS (no offence intended) :
Good: You are posted to the telephone team where you always wanted to
Bad: A taxpayer calls up and shouts vulgarities at you.
Ugly: The caller is your father.