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Why did God give men penises?
So we'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.

What's the difference between a paycheck and your dick?
You don't have to beg a woman to blow your paycheck.

How is a woman like a laxative?
They both irritate the shit out of you.

What are the small bumps around a woman's' nipples for?
Its Braille for "suck here".

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
He died laughing before he could tell anybody.

What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a pitbull?
Lipstick.

Why do women have tits?
So men will talk to them.

What's the difference between a woman and a coffin?
You come in one and go in the other.

Why do women close their eyes during sex?
They can't stand seeing a man have a good time.

What's six inches long and two inches wide and drives women wild?
Money.

Why did the army send so many women with pms to the Persian Gulf?
They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.

What's the difference between your wife and your job?
After 5 years your job will still suck.

What's the best thing about a blow job?
Ten minutes of silence.

Why are hurricanes normally named after women?
When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.

 

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